Tao of Dating - Latest Comments

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

makahol1 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:12:55 -0000

Justin, Three of the fingers on my right hand are webbed together. I always allowed myself to feel inferior. Please do not waste your time feeling down about this. You will have to search a little harder to find the right one but isn't it worth it to meet someone that respects and loves you for YOU? My face and body would be considered beautiful (36-27-36, green eyes, blonde hair) but I have this hand that does not fit with the rest of me. The thing is ....I work really hard on the rest of me! I love myself ..flaws and all! Anyway, I bet you are a good listener..chicks love a guy that listens! Big Hugs,pc

I adapt to survive. I have always been considered beautiful.

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

dralexbenzer — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:53:33 -0000

The Almodovar tip is gold! Thanks for helping Justin out.

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

dralexbenzer — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:52:25 -0000

Mel -
Thanks for the comment!
Here's what I'm thinking. The Tao of Dating system has 5 steps:
1) Figure out who you are and what you want.
2) Go where you can find what you want -- in your case, quality men.
3) Meet them where they are -- get the conversation started.
4) Attract them into your life.
5) Keep them part of your life.
When you're not exactly sure about what you want - what truly fulfills you -- sometimes you can get blindsided because someone comes along who feels good to be around, but actually isn't right for you.
I'd also urge you to take a gander at the section in the book on how to spot Bad Boys (Chapter 5). If you're a subscriber, you'll get the whole section in the email.
Best
AB

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

Charismatico — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:09:18 -0000

Nicely said.

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

iwantsocialgo — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:04:39 -0000

What ever happened to someone liking you for who you are and not what you have got. From a womans perspective, its actually about the way you make us feel. Why do women go for the bad boys? Because they are unavailable and scarcity is attractive. We all want what we perceive that we cant have. How about you work on your confidence and make it seem that you are in demand with lots of women wanting to spend time with you? Change your story to one of confidence and of abundance and not one of lacking. Much more attractive.

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

Charismatico — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 13:51:21 -0000

Hello Dr. Benzer,

Here is my reply to this article.
Justin your blindness is such an unfair advantage like Dr. Benzer mentioned. If I have that handicapped of yours I will be the slickest blind guy in the neighborhood. If the girl asked me where is my car? My reply will be "I took a walk all the way here to meet with you. Since you are nice enough to meet with me I am pretty sure you will be nice enough to drive me home." Then maybe explain to her why you are not able to drive once you get in the car.
You can also use your handicapped as an approach. Let the women help you cross the street and even hold there hand. If you are interested in the person asked them how they look like and touch there face. You can also be super cocky if you know that the person is attracted to you. Instead of grabbing her hand grab her butt and you can always use your blindness as an excuse.
Gee, I should follow my own advice. I will wear the darkest glasses and ask the first attractive woman I see to help me cross the street.
Tip: Go watch, oops I forgot Justin have problem seeing. Anyway, go see/listen to Almodovar's movie "Broken Embraces." The main character is a blind writer. The beggining of the movie is awesome. You will get some technique from this guy on how to pick up women and get them to bed.

Like you I also have my handicapped. I am broke, meaning can't afford rent, go out to dinner, movies, etc. I used this to my advantage. I let woman by me drinks, make me dinner, etc. In return I make sure they have a great time and when I can afford it I buy them a cup of coffee.

signing out,

Charismatico

Re: What’s your excuse? How to transform shortcomings into unfair advantages

mel — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 04:06:19 -0000

OK Alex, what if my shortcoming is a terrible judge of character? I always end up with men who spoil me at first but then cheat, abuse, and leave, despite that I have treated them very well. My shortcoming doesn't keep me from getting dates or relationships, but it keep me from having a stable, long term (ie more than one to four years) relationship. Help??

Re: Project Superman, Episode 1

online dating site — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 02:16:27 -0000

Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.

first date

Re: How to Love Your Enemies

Mary — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:10:16 -0000

I think this is a solid principle we keep having to remind ourselves of over again and again. I've practiced this with raising children to separate the behavior from the child. I've also learned we have to take responsibility ourselves for how others treat us. We can teach others how to treat us in a kind and loving manner with also getting them to respect our boundaries. It's amazing how this can inspire attraction in others. Thank you for the very insightful videos..Keep them coming please.

Re: Is Los Angeles the Toughest Town for Singles?

Hasan Diwan — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:39:36 -0000

Mr. Wygant,
According to http://www.statemaster.com/... the physical size of the NYC Metropolitan area (which is a more fair comparison if you're going to include Santa Monica as part of Los Angeles) is almost twice as large as the LA metroplex. Indeed, according to the same survey, LA is even smaller than London, though not by much.

On another note, your FB Connect for commenting appears to be broken.

Re: Dating Advice for Women: What to do when the beauty fades?

betsyp — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 20:00:03 -0000

I am a "hot", very active, attractive 66 year old woman. Wheehoo! I glow from inner peace. I am grateful for all I have, ( including some wrinkles,) and all that I can do. I am comfortable in my own sin (whoops, that's too funny. I meant skin! *wink*)

I am friends with my sons' friends, around age 40. We hike, ski, kayak, bike, jam the blues etc, together. I look and act young. Most of my friends are younger, as well. It just happened that way.

So, here's the deal...I am been told by some that I need to drop my age down a decade. So, on Match.com, I am 59. I feel guilty about that and yet, I have attracted more men in the 58-69 age range, and have had lots more "hits". I tell them my age when I feel it is approprite.

Others say it's starting off on the wrong foot. I never would have done that before. I just want an active, fit partner and so many men whom I could be interested in are looking for women younger than themselves. I don't want to start out with someone who doesn't have a shot at the same level of fitness and health as me. Maybe aged based websites are not a good venue. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Thanks Dr. A.

Re: The Writing of The Tao of Dating for Women: Video Blog #9

teendatingadvice — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 13:10:46 -0000

I will definitely make sure to embed this in my site

Re: Dating Advice for Women: How to Be Resistible

Terri — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:27:31 -0000

This is interesting. I am feminine but at some point, guys find out what I do for work and without me saying much, the date is over. So they think it's cool that I'm a "rocket scientist" (for real) but they either can't stop asking me about work or telling me I'm "out of their league" or reciting me their resume. Even when I change the subject, the date turns into anything but one. Ugh. I've been told that I should just tell guys I'm a receptionist (being that I am bubbly, they would actually buy it).

Re: Video: Why Women’s Magazines Suck

clayhalo — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:24:58 -0000

As parents, one of the best things we can do is to NOT subscribe or buy these mags for ourselves or our daughters. It sends a terrible message. My daughter is now 18, and yes, she did discover these mags through her friends in HS--they are ubiquitous. But by that time she knew enough about them to not take them too seriously.

Re: Dating Advice for Men: How to Be a Multiorgasmic Man

clayhalo — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:53:34 -0000

Wow, Alex. I can't believe no one has commented on this post! Maybe they just immediately signed up for your metamorphosis course...

Re: Everyday grace in the supermarket

clayhalo — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:39:03 -0000

I was stopped at the bottom of Topanga and PCH at a red light, on my way to the Farmer's Market in Santa Monica.
I'd seen the man on the center median a dozen times, but had never spoken to him. I was always too many cars back from the crosswalk. But this morning he was up close and personal, hunched over in his wheel chair, long, gangly sprigs of hair sparsely populating his head. He looked at me and squinted over the top of his oversized glasses in a motion that lifted them back up to their perch on his rather prominent proboscis. I noticed he was wielding a fishing net with a long handle.

"What’s the net for?" I asked.

"Catching minnows!" he said, smiling a little and muttering to himself.

"Minnows?" I exclaimed. “You're not gonna catch any minnows sitting here, big guy!" He mumbled something I couldn't make out. "What do you do with the minnows after you catch them?"

"I use em to catch big fish," he grinned.

"I see. Well, you'd better get your ass down to the beach if you want to catch anything other than a pretty girl."

Okay. I have no shame. I'm flirting with a homeless dude in a wheelchair with a fish net. And I'm actually having fun.

"Already found one right here!" he chuckled. Homeless dude was flirting back!

The light turned green.

"Well, have a great day," I giggled. "Catch lots of minnows...but not too many pretty girls. I might get jealous."

"God bless, darlin’. You made my day."

As I drove away feeling like a million bucks, I realized that giving the gift of my attention–my presence in the moment–is one of the most valuable gifts I can give to anyone. And just like a boomerang, it's a gift that came right back to me.

Re: Dating Advice for Women: What to do when the beauty fades?

clayhalo — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:53:33 -0000

Wow, Alex, I couldn't agree with you more here. Sherilyn is not living in abundance mode. I am 55 years old, and I have NO trouble meeting men. I'm actually having better luck with this NOW, because I attract the right kind of men for ALL of me, not just those who are attracted to my outer beauty.

That being said, I think women who are beautiful often grow up with that as their only "skill." Later in life, they are severely handicapped when it comes to attracting men, because they have not developed any other attributes or depth as a person.

Also, beautiful women often accustomed to downplaying their radiance or sexuality to keep players at bay. They are often not even aware that they are doing this.

Age is a function of vitality and energy, not a number.

That being said, according to the 2000 US Census, Nashville has 193,ooo unmarried men to 230,000 unmarried women, a ratio of .84:1. So Sherilyn has a choice. She can move to somewhere like Jacksonville, NC, where there are two unmarried guys for every one woman. Or she can let go of her limiting beliefs and refuse to be a statistic right where she is, in Nashville, TN.

Re: Dating Advice for Women: What to do when the beauty fades?

Norma — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 16:13:33 -0000

You really laid it on the line. Hard to dispute what you said. I hope she can put it into practice. It's hard to see oneself with clarity but you sure gave it to her.

Re: Dating Advice for Women: What to do when the beauty fades?

Roberta — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:09:14 -0000

I completely agree with Dr. Alex. Women need to accept and love themselves (and others) before good things start happening. The woman who wrote the letter is looking at the dark side of herself and life, and basing her ability to be happy on superficial physical beauty instead of realistically accepting the fact that we all have aging bodies. She's ruled by her habit of looking at the superficial aspects of the world, instead of realizing that beauty is really about what's inside. It makes no sense to say that men are shallow for looking for younger women, when she is criticizing older men for not looking like a young, physically fit specimen. Finding a man is not going to make her happy. She needs to make changes in her life to create happiness for herself. Once she does that, everything else in life will begin falling into more postive place. Hopefully, she'll be able to understand what Dr. Alex is saying and find ways to make peace with herself. I'm in my mid-50's too, and the world is a beautiful place, full of wonderful opportunites and experiences. I'm widowed and don't have another man (yet) but I have a great life.

Re: Dating Advice for Women – Trust Issues: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Nicole S. Urdang — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:57:31 -0000

Hi Dr. Alex,

This is a great site.
I though you might like to trade links with mine: holisticdivorcecounseling.com
It's for all of life's transitions, not just the cosmic hazing of divorce.

Namaste,
Nicole

Re: How to Love Your Enemies

garry — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:33:38 -0000

i am seeing a thoughtful and passionate being, thankyou man

Re: What do women want: the enigma of female sexuality

Michelle — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:09:17 -0000

I think you interpretation of the first paragraph is a little off Alex.

Women want to continue to be shown and told their man is totally into them. Day to day, year to year etc. Its not that they need to be partway "out" or not all the way "in". Its the being adored and him showing it with the strong intensity he had in the prusit stage.

Re: Dating advice for men & women: Project Love

Kim Watson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:28:38 -0000

My words don't seem enough to say thanks for your ideas. My relationship stinks and I've not been having a lot of good luck in many ways. However, when I think about what you have to say it calms me as though I can be hopeful that things can change. I truly appreciate the role this message has played in my live today. Thanks very much!

Re: Dating advice for men & women: Project Love

Kim Watson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:27:36 -0000

My words don't seem enough to say thanks for your ideas. My relationship stinks and I've not been having a lot of good luck in many ways. However, when I listened to what you have to say it calms me as though I can be hopeful that things can change. I truly appreciate the role this message has played in my live today. Thanks very much!

Re: Dating Advice for Women – Trust Issues: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Scott — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:21:01 -0000

Lisa, I feel for you. I just got out of a relationship with my wife who has been cheating on me for at least 2 of our 4 years of marriage. When I confronted her, it was my fault....another story.

You know a tree by its fruit. You already know some very crucial fruits from this man. You said it well when you mentioned you have already "Invested" in the relationship. You gave too much without the proper time or infomration worthy of your investment. Guard your heart, it is the well spring of your life.

And if you are in a relationship with a man who is exclusive and there were trust issues, I, as a man, would permit you to look at my phone, text, email, voicemail any time with out warning. If I loved you AND was honest, I would care about your past wounds and do everything in my power to help you feel safe. What could possibly be in there that I would need to hide from you except maybe your surprise birthday party?

Peace to you.